the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
