i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
