We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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