Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
