It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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