The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
