why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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