watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My life is pants optional.
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