what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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