Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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