i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
