were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
