Cold hands, warm shart.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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