Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
