She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize