he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This is the high leading the old right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
