is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
