Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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