My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
