Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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