When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
