I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
