Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
