actually, I'm a sock model
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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