turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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