Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
