I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
