two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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