I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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