so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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