I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
