BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
