Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize