i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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