If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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