After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
