yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
