I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
