So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
