So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
