I wish you could order shots online.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize