i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
