I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is wine microwaveable?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
