Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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