Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
