sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
