why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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