I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
