You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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