is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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