I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
