i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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