Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
