Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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