i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You have to summon your inner elephant
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
