You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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