Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
