My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
