And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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