I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
