while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
