he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I forget how to act sober
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
