seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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