He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
