Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
