Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
