**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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