u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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