I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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