I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
